Developing empathy.

As per Merriam Webster dictionary, empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Empathy goes far beyond sympathy, which might be considered ‘feeling for’ someone. Empathy, instead, is ‘feeling with’ that person, through the use of imagination.

Elements of empathy

Daniel Goleman identified five key elements of empathy.

• Understanding Others – This is perhaps what most people understand by ‘empathy’: in Goleman’s words, “sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns”.
• Developing Others – Developing others means acting on their needs and concerns, and helping them to develop to their full potential.
• Having a Service Orientation – Primarily aimed at work situations, having a service orientation means putting the needs of customers first and looking for ways to improve their satisfaction and loyalty.
• Leveraging Diversity – Leveraging diversity means being able to create and develop opportunities through different kinds of people, recognising and celebrating that we all bring something different to the table.
• Political Awareness – Political awareness can help individuals to navigate organisational relationships effectively, allowing them to achieve where others may previously have failed.

Three Types of Empathy

Psychologists have identified three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy and compassionate empathy.

• Cognitive empathy is understanding someone’s thoughts and emotions, in a very rational, rather than emotional sense.
• Emotional empathy is also known as emotional contagion, and is ‘catching’ someone else’s feelings, so that you literally feel them too.
• Compassionate empathy is understanding someone’s feelings, and taking appropriate action to help.

Why to be empathetic?

Empathy is the ability to accurately put yourself “in someone else’s shoes”– to understand the other’s situation, perceptions and feelings from their point of view – and to be able to communicate that understanding back to the other person. Empathy is a critical skill for you to have as a leader. It contributes to an accurate understanding of your employees, their perceptions and concerns. It also enhances your communication skills because you can sense what others want to know and if they are getting it from you or not. Ideally, your employees can learn skills in empathy from you, thereby helping them to become more effective leaders, managers and supervisors themselves.

Biases and Empathy

Your biases play a major role in how you perceive others. Your perceptions are your reality, whether they are the reality for someone else or not. Differences in perception between you and others can make the difference between successful leadership and a complete disaster. So know your own biases! For example:

• Do you believe that leaders should “take charge” and lead from the front of the organization? If so, you might encounter frustration and resistance when working with others who believe that leaders should lead from the middle.
• Do you believe that others should just “shut up and listen to you?” If so, they will probably only do what you say – and no more – until their frustration is overwhelming and they leave.
• Do you believe that meetings should start and end on time? If so, you will certainly be frustrated with people from cultures that place far less emphasis on time.
• Do you believe that most problems would be solved if people just did “what they were supposed to do”? What if people really do not know what they are supposed to do?

Guidelines to Develop Empathy

Guideline 1. Experience the major differences among people.

One of the best examples of strong skills in empathy is people who have traveled or worked in multicultural environments. They have learned that the way they see and experience things is often different from others. People with little or no skills in empathy might have an intellectual awareness of these differences. However, until they actually experience these differences, their skills in empathy will probably remain quite limited.

Guideline 2. Learn to identify your own feelings – develop some emotional intelligence.

Many of us are so “processed” and “sophisticated” about feelings that we cannot readily identify them in ourselves, much less in others. For example, we might perceive thoughts to be the same as feelings. So when someone asks you how you feel about a project, you might respond, “I think we have a lot to do.” Or, we might not distinguish between related emotions, for example, between frustration and irritability or happiness and excitement.

Guideline 3. Regularly ask others for their perspectives and/or feelings regarding a situation.

Silently compare their responses to what you might have thought they would be. This approach not only helps you to sharpen your own empathic skills, but also helps you to learn more about your employees.