Good broadcast copy also uses active verbs, not passive ones. Active verbs speed up copy and give it more punch because they focus on the action rather than the receiver of the action.
Poor: Three buildings were destroyed by the fire. Good: The fire destroyed three buildings.
Poor: The Dow Jones was pushed up 30 points today after buyers took over on Wall Street. 199
Good: Buyers took over today on Wall Street, sending the Dow Jones up 30 points.
Says is a Good Verb: Don’t be afraid to use says. Many writers think they have to find different ways to avoid using a form of say because they think it is a boring verb. As a result, they will use forms of exclaim, declare, assert, announce, and other words that they believe mean the same thing as say. The problem is that these other words are not synonyms for say; each have a different connotation.
Strong Verbs: Although these verbs should not be used in place of say, sometimes they do accurately describe the situation. For example:
The United Nations Security Council declared today. . . The White House announced that Peter Grant would become the new Secretary of the Interior. We’ll walk this picket line ‘till hell freezes over!’ exclaimed union leader Frank Chilton. As for assert, it is difficult to think of an occasion when it would be appropriate to use that word in broadcast copy. In writing broadcast copy, look for strong verbs that vividly describe the action: smother, rather than put down, an uprising snuff out, rather than defeat, a rebellion echo, rather than repeat, an opinion clash, rather than disagree, over strategy lash out at, rather than attack, opponents muster, rather than collect, enough votes
When choosing verbs, think about the image you want to create. For example, a tornado roars, but it also can sweep through a neighborhood. A hurricane can destroy a beachfront, but demolish gives a stronger picture. A high-school student might be expelled, but a deposed leader would be exiled. Battalions can move through the desert, but if they are doing it quickly, as they were in the Gulf War, they might be said to race through.
Limiting Use of Adverbs and Adjectives Like good verbs, adjectives and adverbs sometimes add color to broadcast copy, but for the most part they should be avoided. Many adjectives add unnecessary detail, and rather than enliven the copy, they weigh it down. Here is an example of a sentence with too many adjectives and adverbs:
The diesel-powered train was quickly moving around the very sharp curve when suddenly there was a loud, screeching noise and the cars near the very front of the train rapidly started to leave the track.
The sentence would be more effective without most of these adjectives and adverbs because they add little meaning. It is not important to know that the train is diesel-powered, because most are. Quickly moving could be replaced by the strong verb racing, and the adverb very could be omitted because intensifiers are “filler” words that rarely add meaning. Rapidly could be eliminated because it is a given that the cars would leave the tracks quickly if the train was racing around the curve. Finally, started to leave could be replaced by the more vivid jumped. The cleaned-up sentence would read:
The train was racing around the sharp curve when suddenly there was a screeching noise as the cars near the front of the train jumped the track.
Screeching was left in the sentence because it is a strong, colorful adjective that describes the noise. Loud, however, was eliminated because a screeching noise is, by definition, loud. Attribution
Proper attribution is one of the basic requirements of good news writing and reporting, whether for newspapers or broadcasts. The chapters on reporting will deal with the various types and methods of attributing information. For now, let’s examine the proper style of attribution used in broadcast scripts, which differs from the style used in newspapers and newspaper wire copy.
For the most part, newspapers use attribution at the end of a sentence, what is called dangling attribution. For example: Hundreds of people have been killed in Russian army attacks, according to The Associated Press.
Attribution in broadcast copy, if used in the lead sentence, is always at the top of the sentence. For example:
The Associated Press reports hundreds of people have been killed in Russian army attacks. The attribution can also be delayed; that is, it can be mentioned in the second sentence. For example:
Hundreds of people reportedly have been killed in Yugoslav army attacks on Croatia. The report comes from The Associated Press.
Using Quotes: Most of the time, quotes are paraphrased in broadcast copy. Newspapers have the luxury of providing long, detailed quotes of politicians, government officials, and other newsmakers. But broadcasting time restrictions require a distillation of such information. There will be times, because of the importance of statements, when direct quotes can be used. Even then, however, the editor must keep them to a minimum.
Here is sample of a quote that appeared in a newspaper: “This is an example of the worst brutality I have ever come across,” was the way the judge described the beating of a man arrested by police.
The broadcast version would read: The judge said the beating of a man arrested by police was-in his words- “the worst brutality I have ever come across.” The quote also could have been paraphrased: The judge described the beating of the arrested man as the worst brutality he had ever come across.
If a quote is too important to paraphrase, the actual words must be used. Most writers and broadcasters avoid using the terms quote and unquote at the beginning and end of a direct quote, but you will occasionally hear them on the air. There are better ways to handle a direct quote. Here’s one way:
The President said the Republican sponsored welfare reform bill would and this is a direct quote-”take food out of the mouths of poor children.” 200
Some newscasters will use a direct quote after saying “and these were the president’s exact words.” Other anchors will simply pause a second before a direct quote and change the inflection of their voices, but not all newscasters do this effectively. If you are writing the script, be explicit and use an introductory phrase to indicate you will be quoting someone directly.
Expressing Time: Because broadcast news usually reports or describes events that are currently happening, it is not always necessary to use the word today in broadcast copy, if events are not current, point that out quickly.
If a story says that 18 people have been injured in a train crash in Center City, listeners are going to assume that the accident occurred today unless the broadcaster explains that it happened last night or at some other time. Repeating the word today throughout a newscast, then, would become tiresome.
Those writing or reporting for an evening or late-night newscast should be specific. If the story is about something that is happening while the newscast is on the air or took place a short time earlier, the copy should stress the word tonight or use a phrase such as at this very moment, a short time ago, within the past hour, or earlier this evening to alert the audience that this is fresh news.
A story should never lead with the word yesterday. If a story happened the day before, something new must be found to freshen the story and eliminate yesterday from the lead. There will be details on the subject of updating leads.
Looking Ahead: Some newscasts alert the audience to events that are expected to happen in the future. The information should be as specific as possible. An example:
The president is expected to leave the White House in the next 15 minutes or so for Andrews Air Force Base, where he’ll board Air Force One for the trip to London. Another example: At any moment now, members of the United Nations Security Council will be considering new proposals on the crisis in Bosnia. We were told a few minutes ago that members were already beginning to arrive at the Security Council chamber. This sort of specific time reference adds immediacy and drama. It’s much better than saying: The Security Council meets today to consider new proposals on the crisis in Bosnia.
One final note: Whenever you use a specific time reference, such as tonight or a few minutes ago, place the reference as close as possible to the verb whose action it describes.
Transitions: Transitions are phrases and words that signal relationships between sentences. Some broadcast news writers use transitions to carry listeners from one story to another; but in a newscast, transitions should be used with care and in moderation. If a transition is natural, it can be effective, but most transitions tend to sound contrived.
Here’s an example of good use of a transition: Centerville Mayor Frank Jones is flying to New York City at this hour to take part in talks with other mayors on how to deal with Washington’s cut in funds for American cities.
Also traveling today is Centerville Police Chief Robert Potter. He’s on his way to Chicago to meet with officials in that city to discuss the fight on drugs.
The transition also traveling today works here because it links stories about similar events of equal importance. But here’s a bad example:
Centerville Mayor Frank Jones is flying to New York City at this hour to take part in talks with other mayors on how to deal with Washington’s cut in funds for American cities.
Also traveling tonight, Hurricane Dorothy It’s headed our way at about 10 miles an hour and could slam into the mainland in the morning.
In this example, the transition is forced. Unlike the natural connection of two city officials who are traveling on government business, there is nothing logical about connecting the movement of the mayor and that of a hurricane. That example was not made up. The names have been changed, but the transition tying together the movement of an official and a hurricane was actually broadcast.
Here is another example of an effective transition: The Justice Department wants to know if there are patterns of police brutality anywhere in the country. The Department has ordered a review of all police brutality complaints filed with its civil rights division during the last six years. The order comes amid an outcry over the police beating of motorist Rodney King in Los Angeles-an attack videotaped by a witness and aired across the country.
Los Angeles isn’t the only place where authorities are investigating allegations of police brutality. In Georgia, witnesses say more than a dozen police officers pounced on a suspected prowler they caught after a chase from Atlanta to Stockbridge.
The Atlanta and Clayton County police departments are conducting internal investigations. (AP Radio) The transitional sentence Los Angeles isn’t the only place where authorities are investigating allegations of police brutality is quite logical.
The prize for bad transitions must go to a tabloid TV station in Miami:
The pope wasn’t the only one celebrating a birthday today. Five years ago today, Mount St. Helens volcano erupted. People, Not Persons
Our final style note regards the use of the term people as opposed to persons, when more than one person is involved in a story; it is more conversational to refer to them as people.
